With just eight weeks to go until Christmas, the lead-up to the festive season can be notoriously difficult for families navigating separation and divorce.
On the one hand, it is natural each parent would like to spend this precious family holiday with their child, but on the other, there is a child in the middle who shouldn’t be asked to make a choice.
The art to navigating this period involves a willingness to compromise, a commitment to maintaining the interests of the child, and above all behaving like responsible adults who are interested in a suitable outcome for everyone rather than scoring points.
So, with that in mind, here are our top tips when it comes to shared custody and Christmas.
Have a plan
There is no one-size-fits-all solution for every family negotiating the complexities of shared custody and Christmas, but there are some simple strategies that help, and one of the most effective is the parenting plan.
The parenting plan is basically an agreed recipe for effective, fair, shared parenting after separation or divorce, and Christmas should be considered at the outset when you put this plan together.
By establishing the ground rules for the festive season early, you avoid a whole lot of negotiating and anxiety in the future. You also ensure everyone knows what’s expected and can get down to the festivity of celebrating Christmas and enjoying the event.
But if you haven’t got a parenting plan in place or Christmas wasn’t on the agenda when you formulated it, address the issue early in the year, discussing it months in advance so you can come to an amicable decision.
If amicability is a ship that has well and truly sailed in the separation process, working out what happens for Christmas might need to take a more formal turn.
Mediation or court order
Should tensions run high and you cannot reach an agreement, mediation is the first port of call, followed by court order if absolutely necessary.
Mediation allows you to come to an agreement in a neutral environment with the assistance of a trained mediator who guides both parties towards a solution.
Court order sees the matter determined by the Family Court and the order is enforceable. However, if you do go to court, they will want to know that you have tried other avenues like mediation first.
Meanwhile, if a court order is required, you will need to apply well in advance. The cut-off date for parenting orders is 4pm on the second Friday in November each year.
Try to see the best
Even for the happiest of families, Christmas can be an emotional time, but the key is to keep your children’s best interests front of mind and try to see the best in the situation.
That may involve embracing a positive perspective about your former partner and looking to the things you like about them rather than what you feel they’ve done wrong.
Meanwhile, Christmas is not a vehicle to try and outdo each other. The only points your scoring are in the long-term damage of your kids.
Quick Christmas tips
- Plan early
- Consider Christmas in the parenting plan
- Adhere to the plan
- Don’t try to outdo your ex
- If it’s not your turn, plan a fun, alternative event that you will look forward to and enjoy
- Keep your ex abreast of your child’s pre-Christmas events (such as school break-up parties or plays)
- Respect and facilitate the fact that your child may wish to have contact with your ex and their family during the festive season
- Take pleasure in your child’s enjoyment of Christmas, even if it is with your ex
- Don’t criticise your former partner or their Christmas celebration in front of your child
- Refrain from arguing about Christmas in front of your child
About T & T Lawyers
T & T Lawyers is a dynamic and progressive Sydney-based firm offering sound advice, effective strategies and the best possible outcomes in all areas of law including divorce and custody arrangements.
You can learn more about our services here, or contact us directly for further advice.
